Damn. 

Damn you…

I cut you out,

I prayed you away…

You have no place 

In my life now. 

Somehow,

You make your way

Into my thoughts.

I keep closing the door…

You keep knocking. 

Damn me…

If I let you back in. 

You have no place

In my life now.

If I get outside of myself…

And start missing the pain again,

All I need is to remember

How damned I once felt. 

You make me forget what’s real,

And my reality is far more secure,

Than your damned truths.  

Give and Take. 

I never thought I’d be here,
In this place…
Wondering how I could let it all go so far.
I never thought that just one more,
Would be such a hard pill to swallow.
I never thought I’d let this happen to me.

But I did.
But I did.
But I did.

And now, I’m here…
On this cold, hard bathroom floor,
Begging you, please take this from me.
My hands outstretched…
On this cold, hard bathroom floor,
Filled up with shame.

And I’m crying out…
I give this to you,
Please take it from me.
Oh Lord – I give this to you.
Please take it from me.
So I’ll show up here everyday,
Until I start feeling lighter…
So I’ll show up here everyday,
Until I start feeling more like her…
I’ll keep coming back,
Even when…
And I’ll keep coming back,

Even then.
Even then.
Even then.

(My cries for relief have transformed into
Songs of praise and thanksgiving )

And I’ll open up my hands…
I’ll open them up.
I’ll open open up my heart…
I’ll open it up.
And I’ll give to you
all that I can’t understand.

My pain.
My shame.
My embarrassment.

Lord, I give this to You,
Please take it from me.
Father, I give it to you,
Please take it from me.

This is my offering.
Right here right now,
This is all I have to bring.
This is my offering.
Right here right now,
This is all I have to bring.

So I give it to you,
Please take it from me.
I give it to you,
Thank You for taking it from me.

Multiply it.

 

This is all I have…
It’s not a lot.
Thankfully, I know
My little won’t stop
This seed Your sewing…
It’s my faith You’re growing.

***

Jesus…

You take this morsel of faith
And You multiply it.
What I once thought small,
Now I see – It’s sufficient.
I just have to trust that You
Will do exactly what You promised to…
You’ll never take me any place
That You won’t carry me through.

***

Jesus…

You take this morsel of faith
And You multiply it.
What I once thought small,
Now I see – it’s sufficient.
I just have to trust that You
Will do exactly what You promised to…
You’ll never take me any place
That You won’t carry me through.

I’m watered daily
From above.
Blossoming (ever so slowly)
In Your love.
You quench my soul’s thirst…
Lord, All I have is Yours.

This is all I have…
It’s not a lot.
Thankfully, I know
My little won’t stop
This seed Your sewing…
It’s my faith You’re growing.

 

He is.

I’ve been trying to find my voice again…

Trying to decipher what’s real

From what’s just for show.

I start to want to sing you a song…

I start to want to tell you what’s on my mind,

But something stops me…

I’m left questioning my own motives.

***

I don’t have anything to prove.

I will be no more,

Just because I can make something lovely…

I will be no less,

If I’m the only one that benefits…

***

The beauty in it all

Cannot be bought or validated…

The bright lights are blinding,

And I like to see my audience…

***

I’ve been trying to find my voice again…

Trying to decipher what’s real

From what’s just for show.

I just want to sing you a song that

Makes you see…

That you’re beautiful,

That you’re loved,

That you’re not alone…

***

Maybe God’s just telling me

That I’m beautiful,

That I’m loved,

That I’m really not alone.

***

 

You don’t have anything to prove.

You will be no more,

Just because you can make something lovely…

You will be no less,

If you’re the only one that benefits…

***

The truth is we’re in this together…

Made in the image of our great Creator.

It’s so easy to forget, isn’t it?

We are beautiful, in His image…

We are loved by Him…

We are never alone.

He is ever-present…

Reflecting his love through the light

He’s placed within our hearts…

***

He is beautiful.

He is love.

He is.