You can’t make this stuff up…
So – I’m just gonna share an alleged day in the life of me and my friends – Allegedly.
First and foremost, before I even get to my jobby-job – This is what I deal with…
I have a four year old that’s trying my nerves in a more for-real way than usual. For instance – The milk needs to be chocolate and strawberry combined, he must stir it. The television needs to be on Sprout in the living room…after he’s played with his cars and trains for about 30 minutes in the morning. He must be awake for his Sprout programs. His iPad needs to be loading a new game every thirty minutes – Preferably every Angry Birds edition that exists. Cupcakes are to be had for breakfast, lunch & dinner – Oh, and, “I want my daddy!” is set on replay for each time Mommy sets him straight…which is all freaking day long.
Until I actually call Dad and let him try to talk some sense into said four year old – Then Momma will do again.
Also on replay are,
“I don’t want to do that.”
“I want to be good!”
I just can not even.
This was the start of the day…
It got better.
So…An alleged customer enters my alleged place of business and says to one of my lovely alleged co-workers – And I’m gonna paraphrase, ’cause I can’t quite remember…
“Can I speak to someone in charge? I just want to tell them what a great job y’all have done on our ____! It looks great!”
Enters bossman – Stage Left…
“Hello, there…How can I help you?”
And then she rips him a new one…
My alleged co-worker was literally speechless. Who does that? Who tells such a blatant lie? Ruthless alleged customers, that’s who. Part of me was like, “You go, girl.” The other part of me was like all kinds of other things I won’t type out.
SMH. (that’s shaking my head for you mid-whatevers. I had to google it a few years back.)
After this lovely occurrence – We carried on with our day and just SOHs (shook our heads) every now and again upon remembrance…Then came another couple of ’em – You know, the crazies.
“Uh, yeah – I bought this at another ____ store and need y’all to warranty it.”
We reasonably begin our reply, “We can’t…”
The alleged customer rebukes the alleged owner of the company and storms out.
What is wrong with people?
My oldest daughter and I then go to Orange Leaf for a treat after I took her to the doctor. Y’all, she had infected bug bites on her ankles.
SO…We went to Orange Leaf…allegedly:) They need to make more money off of all of us, so they no longer weigh your yogurt – They just sell you a tiny cup of it for a stinking $5. Mag and I get to the checkout and I lift the cup up to the cashier and say, “This is pitiful.” She replies,
“I know – We ran out of tart base. We’ll have more in later on this week.”
I then told her, “No. The size of the cup for $5 is pitiful.”
My 10 year old leans over and whispers in my ear,
“You just told her…”
It’s so fun when they can make you laugh and put you in your place at the same time:)
My favorite, though, was when the alleged 75 year old crackish-head entered the store with an unreasonable ____ need and we, in our most sensible way, let him know we couldn’t get him what he needed…he wanted to know our identities, “What’s your name?” He asks one guy, then one girl…then he asks me the same question.
I don’t even look up from my papers when I reply,
“You don’t need to know my name.”
He laughs and accepts my response. Then replies,
“Y’all’s company is crazy ass cool.”
My alleged co-worker/cousin and I decided that this should be the new hashtag for our t-shirts.
There was more that happened with this dude and his amazon lady sidekick – But it just pales in comparison to his summation of our company.
Simply pales in comparison.
Oh, and my co-workers allegedly said that I’m abrasive.
Whatever – It keeps the crazies walking the other direction.
Seriously…you can’t make this stuff up.
I look at my alleged female co-worker and say,
“I hope tomorrow is this much fun.”
She looks at me like I’ve lost my ever-loving mind.
And in that moment I realized,
This place has totally gotten to me.
I’ve lost my
And I’m cool with it…’cause my alleged place of business is crazy ass cool.
I hope y’all work somewhere that you can laugh so hard you let a toot slip – For real…I keep Gas X in my drawer. My alleged job is a laugh a minute:)