It’s a feeling I get…I just gotta share my deepest, darkest secrets. I’m talking to someone close to me, half-listening to them, and I just have to disclose the secret that I’ve been harboring. If I don’t tell them – It will literally eat me alive…at least that’s the way I used to feel. What has changed? I guess I’m growing up.
About time, huh…seeing as how I’m officially in my mid-thirties, come two weeks from now:) Happy birthday to me! I’m so glad I was born. Seriously, I am. 🙂 When I was a kid, my mom would sit on the couch, after I’d been put to bed, and wait…She knew her little black-haired, guilt-ridden middle child would soon be making her confessional trek. Momma Joy was my priest for many a year. I suppose that she still is, when need be.
I’ve learned that more times than not, the need I have to share my inner-mosts, is a selfish one. And that feeling I get…that rush of adrenaline – It’s not always the nudging of the Holy Spirit telling me to just, “Get it off your chest, Beck…” No. It’s me wanting to give the burden of my short-comings over to someone else to bare.
I feel sorry for the people that I have had to learn my lessons on…not my mom, though;) True story – I once got UP from my choir seat, after the preacher had said, “If there’s anyone that you need to forgive this morning, do it! Don’t wait…” I got up out my seat – In front of the entire church, mind you – And made my way up to the balcony to tell the girl, that had NO idea that I had issue with her, “I forgive you.” She looked at me like I was nuts. I mean, I think I was.
Did I need to do that just because the preacher nudged me to? NO!!! Just because someone – Even someone you respect – says something that could POSSIBLY have something to do with your situation – It doesn’t mean that you have to act on their persuasion. It certainly doesn’t mean that you have to do exactly what they suggest. Oh my goodness, it has taken me a really long time to be objective with other’s suggestions.
Listen, really listen, to your people when they talk to you…when they tell you about their fears…their feelings. It doesn’t have to be about you. Don’t take every single thing your people say and try to apply it to your own situation – Just listen and focus your energy on them. I’m learning to stifle my need to give my burdens over to others. Don’t get me wrong, I have people that know all of my truths…But they are few and far between.
I just had to share, y’all… XOXO, Beck