This will make you feel better about yourself…You’re welcome.

It’s that time again for me to give y’all a SCARY list of the things I secretly like:)

Okidoki…Here we go!

! – I really love the feeling – The pain – When I bite a sore off of my tongue. And I’m secretly sad when the ulcer in my mouth is gone…I know, I have issues.

! – Oh my goodness, I love my cracked heels. For real. They are fully functional – Perhaps not pleasing to the eye, but when I get an itch on my leg in the middle of the night? Bam! My cracked heels are there to assist. It’s a beautiful thing.

! – I like that I’m able to share my cup of coffee with a curious nat. I’m nat happy about it, but I’m still able to do it. It makes me feel like if everything shut down and I had to scavenge for food…I could make stuff work, ya know?

! – …I’m typing these off the cuff, so I’m having to think about it – I made a list for about a month last year…I suppose this could be a scary thing that I like – Doing things “off the cuff” – Huge risk of screwing up…And normally I do. Moving right along…

! – I’m sorry for this one…But I like the smell of my stinky armpit. I mean, I just love the fact that I can actually smell that bad.

! – I love when people retell stories with me…It just means that we have exhausted ALL options of conversation. And to me, that means we love each other:)

! – I do it – Or at least, I’m telling you guys that I do, because it would be disgusting and I might ACTUALLY need real help if I didn’t – But I sortof get a little sad when it’s time to clean my bellybutton. I can not get enough of that putrid odor. I think I may have shared this one last year – But it’s worth repeating…Don’t ya think?

! – Okay, this one will probably be off the list in about ten years or so…You know when you wash your hair and like a whole wig comes out – But you still have a head stinking FULL of it? Oh my goodness, it’s like my very own magic trick.

! – I like the fact that I need a calculator to do simple math. It takes me down a few notches…I feel like I need that from time to time.

! – And for my FINAL spooky-ooky fact…What woman in her right mind isn’t a bit excited for a good ol’ case of the D’s…You know, going through the big D and don’t mean dallas or divorce? Flush your system out AND lose a not so solid two pounds.

***

Well guys, that’s it for this year’s SCARY list of things I secretly like:) I hope you were satisfyingly disgusted with it.

XOXO, Beck

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Taco Bell can keep the secret recipe to themselves.

Michael comforted Maggie outside, and I went in the house to do the same for Baylor…She cried to me, “Why do people in our family have to keep dying?” Of course I knew that the question was rhetorical, so I kept my mouth shut and continued to rock her. Our dog had died that morning, and he was a member of our family – A person in the minds of our children.

I sat Bay up and looked her in the eyes and began to cry myself…“I loved him very much. He was a good, good dog to us.” Abruptly – Her tears and rhetorical questions ceased – She sat up a little bit straighter, “Momma, are you fake crying?” Say what? “No, Baylor…I do not like to cry. I am not faking.” She then looked up, with her bright blue sympathetic eyes, and wrapped her little loving arms around me.

I just have to say that I was completely blown away by her in that moment. She knew that it was her turn to comfort me. One of my very favorite scriptures is 2 Corinthians 1:4…

He comforts us in all our affliction,

So that we may be able to comfort those

Who are in any kind of affliction,

Through the comfort we ourselves

Receive from God.

My Baylor Joy truly exhibited the essence of this scripture in that moment with me. She took the comfort I gave her – That God used me to give her – and turned around and gave it right back to me.

I’m going to do my very best this week, and in the future, to remember how much I’ve had to be comforted…From God, my family, friends…For things I’ve done wrong and for things that were out of my control. I’m going to do my very best to remember that a quiet moment, many times, trumps my words of wise comfort. Everyone is going through something – And to them, in that moment – It’s huge. There are no comparisons to pain when it’s happening to you. I can’t tell you how many times someone has said to me or I’ve said to someone else, “Well, it could be worse…” – But in my mind…in their mind – Worse was the present situation.

Sometimes…A quiet hug is best.

***Oh my goodness, I just got convicted for one of the ways I tried to comfort Maggie yesterday…This is a sidenote, btw…“Maggie, just be thankful that Jerry was our pet – In some countries, he would have just been dinner.” Yep, I said that.

I hate to end my blog on that sidenote…but I’m gonna. I love you guys:) Thanks for sharing this crazy thing called life with me!

XOXO, Beck

One more sidenote…

***I guess I need to cry in front of my children more often. The child actually asked me if I was fake crying.

I can’t see in the dark…

“Mommy, I can’t see in the dark.”

My four year old son made this obvious statement the other night while I was carrying him into “our” room. I couldn’t help but pause before answering him…

“…I know darlin’. We can turn the light on.”

He immediately responded with gratitude…

“Thank you, my Mommy.”

It’s been a little bit since I’ve had a simple statement stop me in my tracks.
It’s been a while since something so obvious was suddenly something new and fresh.
It’s been a minute since I decided to share about it…

***

I can’t see in the dark…
But the light was on before,
I know what it looks like in here,
Or at least what it used to…
Before the blanket of night
Tried to remove my memory of the light.

***

Jesus is light and life.
Sometimes I forget that.
I squeeze shut my eyes…
My soul has not lost its sight.

***

In my darkest hour, I find…

Christ.

He is my light.

When I’m lost in my own shadows, I find…

Christ.

He makes right my wrongs.

When I’ve lost my way, I call on…

Christ.

Because of Your love,
In me, darkness cannot abide.

***

Jesus, I can’t see out here in the dark…
“I’m Here for you, my dear.”
Thank you, my Father.

***

The Lord used my son, in our normal routine, to remind me that I’m never alone. No place is truly dark…because HIS light abides in me. If you are a follower of Christ Jesus and you’re facing a dark time in your life…Remember that His light is within you…He will guide you through the valley with His righteous right hand…holding you together along the way.

XOXO, Beck