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Givers and takers…

All you do is take,

And I don’t have much more to give.

Let’s just walk away.

There’s too little time to waste…

And I’ve too much life left to live…

***

This is how I have felt about social media lately. I penned this a couple weeks ago in my journal…normally there’s more to an entry than this, but the page simply cradled this thought. The problem with the whole Facebook situation for me is that my intentions start out pure and end up twisted. My desire is to bring a smile to the real faces of the friends that I keep up with and that keep up with me in the cyber world. I am NOT technologically inclined – So I keep it simple with Facebook and Instagram:) My intentions are to uplift, encourage and entertain. My recent newsfeed from people is so full of worrisome and negative articles or posts…I just want to be a light that depletes the darkness of reality – Or reality as we know it…tainted by media.

So where does it all go south for me? The number of likes…the comments…the shares – It takes away from the purity of it all. When I post this blog – I will check to see how many likes there are and it will somehow validate to me that this post was helpful in some way. The number of views on my blog will make me feel like I did a good job…that it was worth it for me to open up. I hate that I now need more likes in my life. I hate that social media has done this to me – No…I’ve done this to myself. Don’t get it twisted, Beck.

I’ve been thinking that I’m giving too much of myself away. I’m letting people into my inner world that probably don’t even like me. Yeah – some people don’t like me – I know…crazy, right? 😉 I’m giving myself away as I type…this very second…but I can’t stop. I’ve been told by one of my close gay friends that there are givers and there are takers…I suppose you have to choose to accept which one you are and just go with it. I really wish you would have kept that to yourself, Beaux. 😉

Seriously, though – I’ve been reevaluating my motives lately. I’ve tried to minimize my posts on Facebook…at least until I could decide whether or not it was good for me to keep giving myself away to people that, for the most part, I don’t really know. I’ve decided that I’m too awesome to keep all to myself;) I’ve decided that I will choose to not focus on the likes…the comments…the shares. I will give away what I can’t keep to myself…I will hold sacred the way that God made me. He made me the kind of person that loves to share my thoughts…my song…my clothes…my food – He made me this way and I am thankful for that. I don’t want to need or expect anything in return…especially not for just being who I am.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Thank you for reading…I don’t know how helpful I’m being today – It’s just good to be real. One more journal entry for y’all and I’m out:)

***

I’m not the best singer.

I’m not the best friend.

I’m not the best mother.

I’m not the best daughter.

***

I’ll never be famous…

I don’t think I’d want it anyway.

I’ll never have more than a few

That really know the real me…

And choose to like me anyway.

***

I’m not a lot of things…

But my heart is full of love,

Undeserved and welcome.

Full of forgivess…

For myself and others.

Full of grace and mercy…

Making me clean.

These gifts…

From The Maker of all things,

To me.

***

Love.

Forgiveness.

Grace.

Mercy.

***

Thank you, Jesus,

That I don’t have to be the best…

I don’t need to be perfect,

And fame is overrated.

***

I’ll sing my broken song.

I’ll thank You for friends that

Love me even though…

And all the more.

I’ll thank You for my kids..

That I’m blessed to make mistakes with.

I’ll thank You for a momma

That sees herself in me.

***

This is who I want to be…

Flawed and forgiven,

Saved from myself…

Free.

***

XOXO, Beck

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