He brought me a coke.

There’s nothing more fulfilling…more heartwarming…more uplifting for the spirit, than to give.

***

I laugh…a lot…all day long.

I tell my stories…a lot…all day long.

I enjoy my friends…a lot…all day long.

Work is good for me.

***

“Ding…” The door tells me to look up from my papers.

Someone special is here to see me…

My friend.

He has a gift for me.

***

Firstly, his stopping by is special:) And then, a coke with my name on it…

He knows I don’t drink coke…but he wants to let me know he was thinking about his friend…

Me.

We talk…Seemingly mindless banter – but it’s not…

We know every single conversation we have is important…

Because we love each other…

We’re long-time friends.

***

His grandmother passed on two nights before, and he’s trying not to cry…

I’m trying to take his mind off of him trying not to cry…

So I give him a laugh…

He loves that about me.

***

I tell him that I’ll be at the funeral…

He says in passing…”Wanna sing?”

“Of course I do.”

And I sing at my close friend’s beloved granny’s funeral…

I give him my song.

***

I see his face while I’m singing and I know that God has given me a gift through him.

I am thankful.

I gave him a song for his granny…

But somehow I feel like the one that got the real gift…

This beautiful person is my friend.

***

XOXO, Beck

White trash. 

“Wow…YOU have a tattoo?!? White trash.”

Yes, someone actually said that to me last week. I was all…”Yeah, I’m slowly but surely making my way outta my white trash closet.” She laughed…because evidently trashy white folks are HILARIOUS. She’d probably think I was related to Eminem if she took a gander at my other inky statement piece.

Seriously though, do I not look like someone that would have a tattoo? When people say stuff like that to you, does it remind you of how little they actually know about you? It does for me.

I waited until I was in my thirties before I got my first tattoo. I decided to ink my left ribcage with my husband’s roman numeral two, over a heart.  Every single time I see it – I’m reminded of how his love really is forever branded on my heart. It hurt like the dickens and I loved every second of it! 😋

My second tattoo is two blue songbirds, on my right inner shoulder…One for my sister, Rachel, and one for me. Rae is precious to me. We don’t see each other but twice a year – So when I look at our tattoo, I’m reminded of our unique bond and my heart is filled with joy.

What I want to say is that…

Life is short.

Don’t worry about what other people think all of the time. If you want to do something, that’s not against your moral belief system, do it! Travel the world! Eat dessert! Run a marathon! Tattoo NOW on your wrist where your watch should be…the time is NOW – get it? Maybe not ALL of those things…but you get the

 picture.

I will never regret getting my tattoos. When I’m old – When my skin is sagging and splotchy…I’ll Look at them and smile. I’ll think about my thirty year old self…my thirty year old white trash self:)

So guys and gals…don’t worry about what people that don’t know you think about your situation. You do you.

Love the Lord.

Love your friends and family.

Love yourself.

XOXO, Beck

Fair Schmare.

Oh my goodness – Y’all, my sister told me not too long ago, that it must be tiring being me…My mind is  always at work. I want to share a poem that I wrote recently…It’s certainly not been perfected – But I’m not all about it being just right…I like that it needs work – Just like me;) I wrote this when one of my nearest and dearest was thinking on fairness, or lack thereof, in this life.

***

Sometimes…It’s just not fair.

Don’t expect them to do things your way, my darling…

They aren’t you.

No one is as good…

As smart…

As lovely..

As you.

***

What is fair?

I expect you to treat me with respect

Because I’m aiming to with you…

You work as hard as me 

And remain immobile,

While I steadily improve.

We are both paid the same wages,

Yet one us us ends up

Working longer days.

One cares more…

The other less.

Which one of us is a true success?

***

I gather it’s the one who chooses to be

The best that they can be.

If in my life I choose to see

The good in you…

The good in me…

Not what we have or we have not,

But the truths that we both inhabit…

I’ll be free.

***

Free to look at myself in the mirror and smile…

Because there, smiling back at me

Is an honorable woman…

Working to be the best that she can be…

Trying to find beauty in all that she sees…

Building her brothers and sisters up…

Trying to be more,

For the greater good of all.

There’s peace in her eyes…

She is a true success.

***

Fair is highly over-rated.

It’s subjective to the judge…

And unless it’s God

Deciding what’s right or wrong…

I don’t trust it.

***

I’m going to choose to 

Let you do you…

and I’ll let me do me too.

We’ll just be who we are,

Together.

No less…

No better.

Just different.

***

Basically – I just want to say that we’re all different…Just because I would do something a certain way – Doesn’t mean that I should expect Bob next door to do the same. Some people are so extraordinary…So freaking special…That everyone else pales in comparison to them…It’s just not fair;) Am I making sense? Probably not…lol

XOXO, Beck

Givers and takers…

All you do is take,

And I don’t have much more to give.

Let’s just walk away.

There’s too little time to waste…

And I’ve too much life left to live…

***

This is how I have felt about social media lately. I penned this a couple weeks ago in my journal…normally there’s more to an entry than this, but the page simply cradled this thought. The problem with the whole Facebook situation for me is that my intentions start out pure and end up twisted. My desire is to bring a smile to the real faces of the friends that I keep up with and that keep up with me in the cyber world. I am NOT technologically inclined – So I keep it simple with Facebook and Instagram:) My intentions are to uplift, encourage and entertain. My recent newsfeed from people is so full of worrisome and negative articles or posts…I just want to be a light that depletes the darkness of reality – Or reality as we know it…tainted by media.

So where does it all go south for me? The number of likes…the comments…the shares – It takes away from the purity of it all. When I post this blog – I will check to see how many likes there are and it will somehow validate to me that this post was helpful in some way. The number of views on my blog will make me feel like I did a good job…that it was worth it for me to open up. I hate that I now need more likes in my life. I hate that social media has done this to me – No…I’ve done this to myself. Don’t get it twisted, Beck.

I’ve been thinking that I’m giving too much of myself away. I’m letting people into my inner world that probably don’t even like me. Yeah – some people don’t like me – I know…crazy, right? 😉 I’m giving myself away as I type…this very second…but I can’t stop. I’ve been told by one of my close gay friends that there are givers and there are takers…I suppose you have to choose to accept which one you are and just go with it. I really wish you would have kept that to yourself, Beaux. 😉

Seriously, though – I’ve been reevaluating my motives lately. I’ve tried to minimize my posts on Facebook…at least until I could decide whether or not it was good for me to keep giving myself away to people that, for the most part, I don’t really know. I’ve decided that I’m too awesome to keep all to myself;) I’ve decided that I will choose to not focus on the likes…the comments…the shares. I will give away what I can’t keep to myself…I will hold sacred the way that God made me. He made me the kind of person that loves to share my thoughts…my song…my clothes…my food – He made me this way and I am thankful for that. I don’t want to need or expect anything in return…especially not for just being who I am.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Thank you for reading…I don’t know how helpful I’m being today – It’s just good to be real. One more journal entry for y’all and I’m out:)

***

I’m not the best singer.

I’m not the best friend.

I’m not the best mother.

I’m not the best daughter.

***

I’ll never be famous…

I don’t think I’d want it anyway.

I’ll never have more than a few

That really know the real me…

And choose to like me anyway.

***

I’m not a lot of things…

But my heart is full of love,

Undeserved and welcome.

Full of forgivess…

For myself and others.

Full of grace and mercy…

Making me clean.

These gifts…

From The Maker of all things,

To me.

***

Love.

Forgiveness.

Grace.

Mercy.

***

Thank you, Jesus,

That I don’t have to be the best…

I don’t need to be perfect,

And fame is overrated.

***

I’ll sing my broken song.

I’ll thank You for friends that

Love me even though…

And all the more.

I’ll thank You for my kids..

That I’m blessed to make mistakes with.

I’ll thank You for a momma

That sees herself in me.

***

This is who I want to be…

Flawed and forgiven,

Saved from myself…

Free.

***

XOXO, Beck