Pity Party Post.

Would you like some cheese with that whine, Becky?

Why, yes…Yes, I would.

 

Where to begin…Where to begin…

At the beginning, shall we?

Well, I can’t tell you about that…I’ll be in trouble for certain.

How about somewhere around the middle?

Ok. Then again…That will probably get me thrown back in the pot, as well.

I suppose I’ll start somewhere towards the end and you can keep in mind that there was a beginning and a middle to my pity party that truly, truly sucked straws – And not out of red Solo cups. ‘Kay? ‘Kay.

So, last week my church had VBS and it was amazing. God really worked in so many lives and I really felt a reviving of my own spirit. When one of my prayer partners asked me to read a scripture  and say something about my VBS experience during the following Sunday morning service, I was immediately excited about what God would lead me to share. Just to let y’all know, if you don’t already, when I speak on a subject that I am passionate about…I cry. I can’t help it. And I know that it’s hereditary because my mom is the exact same way. I can sing you a song that God has revealed Himself to me through…No tears. If I read those same lyrics out loud? Sprinkler system kicks on.

My turn to read and share was up and I step to the mic. I try not to cry as I share a significant way that God has worked during the previous week and how thankful I am for being a tool used by Him. Next I sing the chorus of one of the songs that I’d recently penned. I then finish out with the scripture that my friend had suggested for me to read. After the service was over, I went about my usual business of getting the kids from the children’s building and speaking to whomever I encounter along the way. Well, I come into contact with an older woman that I’ve really only had one other interaction with in the past six months. She comes up to me and grabs my hand, looks me in the eyes and says, “Honey, I’ve been through a lot and if you ever need to talk to anyone about all the stuff you have going on with you, please call me. I can be a shoulder for you to cry on.” I smile and nod, “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

The last time I talked to this individual, she told me that I had a lot of issues that I needed to work through. She stated, “You really need to talk to someone about all of your issues.” I never did that. Maybe that’s my problem now. So I started thinking…”Becky, maybe everyone thinks you have issues.” “Well, you do have issues,” I replied, “But not the ones they think you have.” “Yeah, you’re right.” Haha….And thus began the end of my pity party.

My skin seemed to get thinner and thinner in the final hours of my party. Someone seemingly misspoke and told me that I had a ridiculous personality. Laughable, huh! I did not laugh. “Do people think you’re ridiculous, Becky?” “I guess maybe they do…Do you?” “Yeah, I’ve always thought you were a little off.” “Interesting. I feel the same about you.” Internal dialogue…Unlike my pity party, it never ends.

Those were just a few highlights of my fabulously pitiful party. If you’re finding out about these incidents for the first time – Your invite must have gotten lost in the mail. If this is NOT new news to you…Sorry, you’re invitation to my party never expires!;)

Just when I start to think that I don’t care what people think, I realize that I care too much. And then I feel like a child again, worrying over everyone else’s opinions and not the One that really matters. My skin may be thin, but it also means that I’m transparent with my emotions. Whether they are warranted or not – I always acknowledge the way that I feel. And hopefully, I will have the sense enough to stop and pray that God will reveal to me His truths and purposes through all of my mess. I should be thankful that someone is praying for me – Because I really do have issues…Who doesn’t? And I DO have a ridiculous personality! I shock myself all the time. I never know what’s gonna come out of this ridiculous mouth! I am ridiculously ridiculous.

So, thank y’all for attending this pity party. I’m happy to say that it is now over and I feel MUCH better! I hope that if any of y’all are having a few pitiful days, that you’ll ask God to help you see some good in the bad.

XOXO, Beck

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Every Time…

Every time…

I think it’s the last,

And then I turn around and

We’re together again…

Like no time has passed.

Every time…

I think I won’t survive

Another farewell…

Then somehow I do.

And I’m baffled at

The exact moment…

That time no longer exists

And your face is suddenly

within my reach…

Seemingly, within the blink of an eye

My “Bye” turns into…”Hi.”

 

Every time…

It appears that we’re traveling

In opposite directions,

On separate paths…

I’ll remind myself

That the truth is,

We’re paddling in the very same boat…

Seeking guidance from the very same map.

Every time…

I start to think

How far apart we are…

How our lives keep on

Insisting to be lived

In spite of absences…

I’ll remember who resides within each of us.

I’ll remember Christ Jesus

Is the one binding our hearts.

 

You’re in my laughter…

You’re in my prayers…

I carry you in my song…

As long as we keep following Him,

You and I…

We’ll always be right where we belong.