flowetry…

A few thoughts I’ve recently penned…

***

I can never be enough…

All I can do is trust in your love.

Jesus, You’re merciful and understanding. 

You love me for me…

Not for what I offer,

Not for what I do.

***

I woke up at 3am with this thought jogging through my mind – I couldn’t let it go, so I penned it in my bed-side journal…

 

In my dreams, I’m running as fast as I can

Towards a different past –

I’m off-road…

I’ve taken the uncharted path…

No signs along the way –

Just my beating heart to guide me.

***

What’s so different today than yesterday?

The sun rose – The wind blew…

Everything is the same –

Yet, it’s altered.

It’s my changing mood…

My changing attitude.

I’m the altered element…

I make the day what it is.

In me is the power to make a change.

***

It is what it is…

Unless it isn’t.

***

It never occurred to me,

that I was less than I thought myself to be.

***

Just a few thoughts:) This is purely to encourage you to explore your mind and heart…Keep a notebook handy, friends!

XOXO, Beck

 

 

 

Cottage cheese, anyone?

Okay, ladies…Raise your hand if you have ANY cellulite, AKA cottage cheese, on your body…I just raised BOTH of mine. How many of you try to keep yours covered up? And why do we do this? The answer is simple. Somewhere along the road of my life, someone let me know that that part of my body was unattractive – painful to the eye. Cellulite happens to be a part of my physical makeup that cannot be changed. Trust me – I’ve worked this gem of a body out with more lunges and squats than you could possibly fathom. And still – my beautiful cottage cheese remains, just like it does in my fridge – ’cause nobody likes it but me!

So yesterday, when one of my close guy friends says that his big turn off for a female is the cellulite? I mentally put my skirt-bottomed bathing suit on and then crossed my legs the way I learned to as a teenager, to where my painfully buck-shot thighs didn’t draw any unwanted attention.

Shaking. My. Head.

I mean, honestly? I don’t like the sight of it either. But it’s mine. In all of it’s whole milk cottage cheese glory – it’s mine. I’m gonna take my sister-in-law’s advice and EMBRACE it! Choose to love your physical flaws that can’t be righted by any amount of working out or dieting. Love the body that you have. Take good care of it, it’s the only one you’ll ever have.

It. Is. Yours.

I’d just like to take the time in this closing paragraph to thank the good LORD for my Michael…He loves me for me. He couldn’t care less about a little cellulite here or there. When he looks at me – he sees the woman that gave birth to his three children – he sees the crazy lady with a mouth that will not stop moving – he sees his next meal. I’ll tell you what he doesn’t see…Cellulite. Well, he might notice it now if he reads this;) To sum it up folks….Love yourself! You’re freaking awesome:)

XOXO, Beck

Wo’ Out Momma

I may have been a tad frustrated whilst cleaning this fine Saturday morning…Perhaps a skeench more than a tad. I penned this before I could start crying about having to clean my own house. Mercy. There’s poetry for ALL occasions, people! I call this one…

Wo’ Out Momma

It’ll never be clean enough.

I’ll just keep scrubbing.

I’ll just keep tracking in more dirt.

I’ll just keep wiping it clean.

I’ll dust.

I’ll wipe up the tears of my own frustration – I’ll throw my kleenex out with all the rest of my trash.

I’ll put that bag of trash in another trash bin that will then be carried to a dump site – only to be buried.

The leftovers of my life…Buried underground, like I never made the mess in the first place.

The more I clean, the more I realize that I’m making more messes.

I should be still for a bit…..

Aaaah. That’s better.

***

My life…

Making messes.

Cleaning them up.

Throwing out the trash.

Taking that trash to the trash bin…Putting a new bag in the can, since I know there will be more.

More messes.

More trash.

More wiping.

More sweeping.

More tears.

But if I can just sit a bit. If I can focus on the lives being lived in amongst all this mess I’m always cleaning up…

If I can see beyond the work I must do…

I’ll enjoy this journey. 

I’ll actually do more than just wipe – and sweep – and take out the trash…

I’ll live.

***

That is all…My pity party has passed;) Love y’all, Beck

Pull out your pad and pen…I need a little couch-time.

“I think I know your sister…I went to Northwood.”

“Yes, her name is Rachel. She’s married to Brett…”

“Puckitt! Yeah – What are they up to now?”

“He’s a pastor in New Mexico.”

“Oh. That’s cool. You have a brother too, right? What’s he up to?”

“Bruce? He’s a missionary overseas.”

“Wow. And what do you do?” *insert a hint of sarcasm in his tone

Although it pains me to confess, I oftentimes feel like the black sheep of the family when it comes to ministry. My siblings have left the nest and are spreading the Gospel in different parts of the country and the world – Doing amazing things and I’m just me…here…doing me. At least, that’s what the guy sitting two pews back was insinuating with his hint of sarcasm. I need to say that I am abundantly blessed to have so many ministers in my family. If not for their roles in ministry, I would not have the heart for pastors and missionaries that I do. I have understanding and compassion for people when they say that God is calling them to something, and that something just seems crazy to most – But they know it’s God’s will…I get that. I would never have had such a depth of understanding without my family’s experiences. I’m so proud of them for following the Call of the Spirit in their lives. But I have to tell you…being the one that’s always being left behind is very difficult. I sometimes feel like I’m constantly telling the people that I love…”Goodbye.”

When I’m not being my normally positive and upbeat self…those are some of the thoughts that bounce around in my head. My fellow church-goer pointed out my ministerial inadequacies Sunday morning (not really – I’m just a tad bit insecure…he was just the tool, I mean – a tool to surface them), and those old familiar thoughts just crept right up on me…”Well, what are you doing, Becky? Why haven’t you been called to do something amazing? Maybe you just let your chance pass you by.” As wrong as those thoughts are – They’re still there…taunting me.

Let me tell you what God did for me after that slight conversation that produced WAY too much after-thought – Or perhaps, just enough…He used me. He used dirty old me. I had the opportunity to lead my church family in Worshipping our Lord and Savior…I was able to be a comfort to at least two people that are going through situations in their lives right now that are similar to ones that I’ve already been through…I completed a song that I’ve been working on…I cooked for my family…I hugged and kissed and talked and hugged some more on the people that I get to go through this life with – My babies and my hubby. God really showed me that this life I’m living is what He has called me to. And He did all of that in a span of five hours!

What I’m trying to say is this…Just because it doesn’t seem like you’re doing something big, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t. God uses the smile that you offer to a stranger to change a heart. God uses your silent servanthood in your home and in your life to speak volumes of His love and steadfastness. God uses your commitment to Him to make a difference in His kingdom. I’m thankful that He took the time to show Himself to me yesterday. He’s so cool like that. 🙂

XOXO, Beck