You do you…

I found joy and peace in the offering of my gift…I wanted nothing in return – save His approval.

Then I enrolled in an institution that would strive to teach me how to be better at being me…Teach me how to perfect my art. They tried to train me to be like everyone else. My cherished gift was suddenly spotlighted on a stage – judged and picked apart, piece by piece. I was critiqued by someone more skilled than I would ever hope to be – at least that’s what I was told.

You see, before all of my so-called education, I found complete joy through my imperfect gift. There was a certain perfection found in amongst all of my flaws – not because I was anyone special, but because I knew that I was loved by the listener… I sometimes feel like I’m living in a constant state of recovery from that experience.  I’m learning how to appreciate the simplicity of me again.

Why was I inspired to put this out there?

I got my feelings hurt by someone…It took me back to the days when I was looking to please people – back when my instructors were trying to teach me to sing the perfect note with the proper and balanced amount of vibrato…I never could quite master the necessary techniques. It troubles me that I’ve so quickly reverted back to that girl. That’s not who I want to be. What I need to say to my friends and readers is – YOU DO YOU. Who cares if your outfit matches perfectly – or your handbag is from the last season Target line – or that your song is pitchy and indulgent? Are you happy? Are you living a life filled with joy? Do you find satisfaction in simply pleasing the Maker of the universe – the Maker of you? Do you find peace in His presence? Do you sing for Jesus? Do you sing for yourself? Do you wake up and say, “God, good morning!” Are you dancing with your kids…being silly…loving with all of your heart?

If my God can accept this mess that is me – this imperfect Becky…I can too. Now don’t get it twisted – I am all about bettering myself. I’ve got a long way to go and I truly desire to be the best me that I can be – I just want my reasons for getting there to be more substantial…More than just appearances. I’m learning to measure my success by His set of standards – not someone else’s. Don’t overly concern yourself with the thoughts and actions of others…In the end, It’s between you and God. Live your life…Sing off key – run through the park like a maniac – eat cake…everyday if you want to;) We have one chance on this earth…Let’s make the most of it.

All my love, Beck

Ballparks should come with a warning on the label…

I choked on a wiener today. Literally.

Let me set the scene…Lewis has cooked the entire office his famous “Louis Dogs” on the grill for lunch – Delishousness is filling the air on all sides of our block in The Grove…Heavenly. On this glorious Friday, our offices have been graced with the ever energetic presence of my Maggie Moo – She and I build our “Louis Dogs”. After our plates are prepared – hers with chili and cheese, mine with mustard and onions – we take them back to Michael’s office to dine with him.

We’re discussing something inconsequential when all of the sudden… I’ve got a dern wiener stuck in my throat! I’m literally choking on a wiener! Giggle, giggle… My dad taught me that you put your hands to your throat to indicate that you’re choking – I’m pretty sure that I didn’t do that. Anyhoo, Michael is quick to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me…A few more times than actually necessary, I might add. Maggie is standing in the corner openly LAUGHING at me! She could have at least tried to stifle it. I swear, I never yell at my kids – until now. Girlfriends and boyfriends, I exclaimed, “It’s not funny!” Mercy. I eventually apologized for yelling and she apologized for laughing – We called it even.

I chuckled when I had finally settled down and thought to myself, “Huh, I almost choked on a wiener. Literally.”

😉

XOXO, Beck

If it rhymes, it’s unintentional…

Here are a few thoughts that bounced from my brain to the page – And now to this screen…

I wrote this while I was trying to figure out how to accept my loved one’s depressive state of mind…Accepting ALL of someone is real love.

LIke the sun, I take you for granted…Day in and day out – You, shining your bright light.

Sometimes I even wish you away – Your presence is unbearably hot…scorching.

But when you hide your shining face from me –

When you hide behind the clouds for a length of time…I miss you.

I miss your warmth – Your bright light – Your consistency…

I know you’re still there behind those clouds.

How many more days until I see you shine again?

I’ll settle for just a few rays…A break from the darkness.

Show me your light…I know it’s there – But I need proof.

…You don’t have to – You can stay under your blanket of clouds. 

I will wait as long as it takes…

Just remember that I’m here – Waiting for your warmth.

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I was moved by a scene in a movie that I was watching one afternoon – The mess that had to be cleaned up after a huge party – All I could think about was this life we live…

No one noticed –

The chaos and laughter kept it hidden…

But it was building…ever so secretly –

Growing while no one was paying attention…

After the laughter – After the dancing…

When the noise faded to silence – All that was left was a mess –

My mess to clean up.

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I typed this out while listening to The Civil Wars, Same Old Same Old and Dust to Dust…

XOXO, Beck