Daddy told me, “When you turn thirty, Beck, that’s when your body starts falling apart.”
I’ve always been one to prove that I don’t fall into the “normal” categories created by society. I was told that I would NEVER lose all of the weight that I gained when I was pregnant with Maggie – I lost it…plus some. When Michael and I were dating as teenagers – someone close to me described their view of us as, “Nothing but a grain of sand” – We are now married with three beautiful children. Then there was NO possible way that I could run a half marathon without walking AND finish with a decent time without “proper” training – I finished in 2 hours, 32 minutes. I did not walk. The mind is an AMAZING thing…I swear, there are some obstacles in this life that you can truly overcome with the positive power of your mind – with strong will and determination…Then there’s this ol’ body. It does what it wants – when and how it desires. I’m 30-ish and my daddy was right…again.
When my doctor told me that the only way I could have the fibroid tumor, that had plagued me for years, removed from my body would be to undergo a hysterectomy – I automatically thought of my Daddy. Wow, so thirty really IS the new forty. I was stunned. I would like to add that I had no IDEA the number of women that have had hysterectomies at my age. My ignorance on the subject allowed my mind to assume that the “proper” age to have a hysterectomy would be around forty. As soon as my doctor made his professional assessment, I began to question my vigor…”Am I really older than I feel? – There’s no way I heard him correctly – I’m gonna google this – The Mayo Clinic website will confirm his treatment method – Michael doesn’t know he’s married to an old woman!” And then I asked him when he could schedule me for the procedure.
You see, my health is more important to me than my ego.
When I had Miles, they discovered that I had a softball sized fibroid attached to the outer wall of my uterus. My doctor couldn’t remove the unwelcome mass for health reasons, at that time, so they sewed me up. There’s just something about knowing that you have a mass in your body that doesn’t belong – It weighs on your mind. Everything that feels wrong with you, at any given moment, is seemingly directly related to the thing that doesn’t belong. For a long time I was certain that I was making up the pains in both my leg and the right side of my body. I thought I was turning into one of those people that imagines sicknesses. I even had my gallbladder checked with a series of ultrasounds and blood tests, on multiple occasions, over the past two years . Nothing was wrong with my gall bladder… I was embarrassed by my apparently hypochondriatic ways. I just made up a new word – hypochondriatic.
After I had awoken from my surgery, my doctor told me that he had to cut me open. There was no way he could laproscopically perform my procedure, because my fibroid was the size of a cantaloupe. Oddly enough, I was relieved. He did not perform an ultrasound before my procedure, so I was still concerned that I was conjuring up side effects from the tumor. The fact that it was significant meant that I wasn’t crazy…Well, not crazy in THAT regard. 😉
Now, three weeks later, my chronic pain is no more. I no longer have a uterus, fallopian tubes or a cantaloupe sized tumor. As a woman, talking about this part of my life is uncomfortable, to say the least. It feels like a subject that I should be private about, because it’s so personal and it causes some people to feel uneasy – and that’s a perfectly acceptable feeling to have…But I want to share my experience for all of you ladies that may have gone to the doctor and had a similar experience. No matter how “young” or “old” you think you are…Sometimes our bodies decide when, where, how and why they do what they do. If my mind could have willed away that surgical experience, I’m dern sure that it would have – Alas, it would and could not.
One thing I know about falling apart – I can be put back together. Some pieces of me may be forever removed – but there is more to me than the visible…My heart is expanding – my mind is growing stronger…And those are just the effects of the pain meds… Haha! Had to throw that in there;) Seriously, if you are facing a hysterectomy and need helpful information from real women that have been through it – I’ve attached a website that has really been helpful for me.