Maybe I do have issues. This thought echoed throughout the hallways of my mind this morning after reading a few recent comments on my Facebook page. It’s not just social media that is pushing me toward a few much needed therapy sessions. Allow me to explain…
A few Sundays ago I asked if I could sing a special during the upcoming service. I generally choose my song according to my current circumstances. My song choice was an intimate prayer between the songwriter and God – a prayer of thankfulness and of hope for a brighter future. Needless to say, I had a terrible week and I was thankful that God promised me hope for a brighter future.
When I’m feeling very emotional before singing, I share what’s been going on in my life with my church family before the music starts. I find that if I tear up or full on cry during my testimony that I can make it through my song with just a runny nose and no tears 🙂 Thankfully I made it through my song and felt very good about my offering to the Lord. It was a cleansing experience, as it generally is for me.
Now, let’s fast-forward to the following Sunday…
As I walk into the sanctuary, an elderly woman that joined the church the previous Sunday approaches me…I can’t remember her name – not surprising, because I’m not good with names. If her name were a number I’d have it stored away. (I’m good with number sequences – but not math, oddly enough…) I digress. She has a concerned look in her eye. “Honey, are you the young lady that sang last week?” “Yes ma’am, I am.” “Darlin’, you should really talk to someone. You seem like you have some real issues.” To that, I nodded and told her, “Thank you.” By the way, I did not ask her what her name was.
Here’s the thing about being so very open about who you are as an individual…As I open myself up to the people around me, I’m also opening the door for their opinions, their comments, their love, their approval, their disapproval – I have to be willing to accept ALL of this. For me, that’s a price I’m willing to pay in order to be the Becky that God has so carefully designed me to be and so freely allowed me to become. As I mature, I learn that I don’t have to absorb it all. I can sleep at night with the knowledge that everyone will not accept this open and honest me. Because, let me tell you something – The friends in my life that experience my highs, my lows and all my in betweens and still think that I’m somebody worth loving for the long haul – those are the people’s opinions that I take seriously – those are the people’s opinions that I choose to absorb.
Maybe one day this now nameless woman will be one of those people…Maybe she won’t. Either way, she was right. Sometimes my real issues really show up and bite me in the butt. Plain and simple – we all have them – I’m just so very thankful to have people in my life that I can trust to share them with. More importantly, I’m thankful to have a God that loves me…issues and all.