Just a few thoughts…

There are a few people in my life that I share my written thoughts with. These people that I share with are the ones that I know will appreciate the depth and inspiration. This Christmas I read a few of my most recently penned thoughts to my sister. I want to share a couple of those with y’all today…

Rae was drawn particularly to this one:

“I need to fill in the spaces, the gaps between…Fill it up with You – Get past my selfish desire to be fed…Maybe being hungry is where I need to start.

There is no real satisfaction in being fed when I’m not hungry. But to be hungry and then find nourishment is the greatest fulfillment.”

I was inspired to pen this in church one recent Sunday morning. We oftentimes forget that we get from the table what we bring to the table. No one is responsible for my spiritual life but me. I can’t blame the preacher for not offering up the perfect message to move me or the choir for singing the wrong song and out of tune…I can only blame myself for not offering a heart that is in need of nourishment to Him. He is in more than the message behind the pulpit or the voices in the choir. He is in everything. If I can’t find fulfillment in Him – It’s my own fault.

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Here is a poem that I wrote for my Michael – My beloved husband and friend…

This winter could be colder than the last…

The spring probably won’t arrive soon enough.

Summer will likely burn me from the outside, in…

I may not see so much beauty in the autumn leaves before they fall.

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These are the constant inconsistencies of the seasons…

Always showing up – For better or for worse.

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You warm this wintry heart of mine.

Spring’s arrival is always timed perfectly.

In the heat of the summer, you strip me bare and cool me to the core.

The autumn leaves never lose their vibrancy.

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I’ll take any season with you by my side.

I was going to title this “You Oxymoron” but I thought that it would take away from the point of it 😉

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That’s all for now, friends. Just wanted to share a bit 🙂

XOXO, Beck

Dissolve the resolve.

The first six months of the year I’m seemingly trying to keep my new year’s resolutions and the second six months of the year I’m unknowingly working on ideas for the next year’s. It’s a vicious cycle this resolving only to later dissolve  – over and over and over again.

Does it not seem that most resolutions involve some sort of negative aspect of our person? I plan to capitalize on the positive aspects of my life from this past year and make an honest effort to carry the FEW things that I actually got right over into the coming one. I would like to clarify that I will be taking one good long look into the rearview mirror at the mistakes I’ve made in 2012…Generally speaking, I strive to deal head on with my issues when they happen. Although, from time to time, I’m known to sweep them under the rug right along with Baylor’s strudel crumbs – to be seen and dealt with at a later unknown date and time. I know I make mistakes. I believe that I owe myself the same honestly that I offer so freely to my closest friends and family. It’s difficult to see ourselves when we’re so wrong and unattractive. I will, and have seen the ugly side of 2012 in myself…I choose to give that ugliness to the Lord and accept His forgiveness. With that clarification expressed…Let’s now focus on the positive!

2013 will see me working on my fitness. Exercising makes me feel strong and healthy and beautiful. I feel strong when I run long distances. When I see that finish line that I visualized from the starting one….I’m filled with joy and appreciation for my will power. I feel healthy when I’m jumping rope in an aerobic room, revisiting moves from my younger years…not allowing myself the option of quitting. I look at myself in the mirror after a long sweaty workout and I smile – I say to my reflection, “Good job, Beck…” This is when I feel beautiful.

I may not have had a whole LOT of this in 2012, but I choose to cling to the bit that was there…I will be PATIENT with people! When I say people, I am mainly referring to my children. At this VERY moment I am exerting this said patience with my lovely middle child…(maybe I should rethink this) This one will be tough but I WILL do it!

I will continue to enjoy a glass of crisp white….I will continue to eat the food that I slave over the stove to cook….I will continue to share dirty jokes with my husband….I will continue to pretend like I’m asleep while Michael gets up with the kids in order to read my book in bed  (or check my Facebook). These are a few of the parts of my life that in previous years I would have thought needed to be resolved. I choose to dissolve this idea that it needs to be resolved. Dissolve the resolve 🙂

Finally and foremost, I choose to love the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul and all my strength. I choose to focus on loving Him and loving others with depth and honesty. I realize that most of these “resolutions” are focused on taking care of myself and being honest with myself…But I know that the best thing I can do for me is to love and serve others. There is nothing more rewarding than giving with no expectation of a return favor. This is my 2013 challenge to myself…Find ways to serve and give to others with only the pure motives of love and selflessness. I pray that you all will focus on the positive aspects of 2012 in your own lives and pick and choose the aspects that you desire to spill over into 2013.

With sincere love, Beck.