I think I need some sort of therapy. Uh oh….I won’t delve into ALL of the reasons why, perhaps, I need some professional psychological guidance – Just a few “church” related ones. As most of you know, I just love the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit – The trinity is woven into my DNA because I am a born again Christ follower. As a Christian, I have been scarred along the road of my church-going journey. When I think about it – I’ve been going since I was in my mother’s womb, it makes sense that I would have experienced a few bumps along the way – sometimes potholes.
I was saved when I was six years old. When the preacher said that Jesus would forgive me of my sins and wash me clean – my mother said I practically sprinted down the aisle. At that young age I had a desire to be clean and loved unconditionally by the Savior. That is where my journey with Christ began…with my need.
As I grew older, I was like any human being…I messed up. A lot. The difference between my sin and a lost person’s sin is that mine is forgiven. Don’t get me wrong, Christians are called to live IN the world, not be OF it. When the Holy Spirit speaks to my soul and reveals my sin I have to flee from it. I don’t want to do anything against the will of the Father. As Paul said – Sometimes I do the things I don’t want to do and don’t do the things that I want to – The fleshly side of me is constantly warring with my spirit it seems. But I find peace in the forgiveness of the Father. I know that His love will never change, no matter my season in life. You can’t be unsaved – It’s impossible.
Here is where my therapy session should begin….Revivals and College ladies’ Bible studies.
I have been to many revivals. When I say many, that means at least one a year since I was born. I am thirty one. I should certainly be revived by now, huh 😉 My experience overall has been that a revival preacher comes in – The pastor that is currently at your church fills them in on all of the things that they see are “wrong” with the congregation and they preach AT you about all of your faults…bringing you to your knees by methods of guilt and fear. That isn’t even the main reason why I have issues with revivals. It always seemed to me that they were in the business of converting the already converted. They wanted to get in your head and scare you into thinking that you weren’t saved – make you doubt your salvation. I was always telling myself “You are His, Becky – don’t let this person make you doubt that.” This sounds ridiculous to a non-believer, I suppose – I can’t be the only Believer that has experienced this. Unfortunately, this has been my overall experience with revivals. But I will keep going to them. I have this deep desire to experience TRUE revival of the Church Body and I know that if you don’t show up…You miss out on the experience. For this reason, I will continue to show up.
When I was a sophomore in college I attended my first ladies’ Bible study. This Bible study taught me that we need to use scripture when we pray and that we should confess our sins and cry it out with the other members of the Bible study. Boy was I a fish out of water. For the record, I do not feel that quoting scripture is necessary when talking to God – And I do not enjoy crying in front of people that I know, much less people that I barely know. I was having a trying year, to say the least… It was the first time in my life that I ever really experienced depression. College was tough for me, in more ways than one – The biggest way was that I had difficulty being away from my family and Michael was attending a different college. I was desperately lonely, so I went to this Bible study. The leader eventually told me that she believed that I loved Michael more that I loved God. I was dumbfounded by her accusation. I thought that she was so much more mature in her Faith than me – She WAS the one leading the Bible study. I struggled with the depth of my love for Michael as opposed to the depth of my love for Christ for some time after she made her assessment of me. I eventually found peace and release from that burdensome thought – but when you are depressed, your thought-life is a difficult thing to overcome. I was so scarred by that study group that I didn’t participate in another ladies’ Bible study until, goodness, probably five or so years later. And I was skeptical about it. I am so glad that I gave it another chance. There is a group of ladies at my church that I truly count as family. I trust those women with my truths.
We will be wounded along the way to maturing. Our scars can be constant reminders of the pain we went through or they can remind us that we’ve been healed. I want to remember that I have been healed. This blog is especially for grown people that are young Christians, maturing in their walk with Christ. You don’t have your parents taking you to church every Sunday and Wednesday no matter how you feel about it. It’s your responsibility to go no matter how you may feel about it at the time. You need to know that the church is made up of imperfect people – and sometimes people do and say things that hurt. Sometimes the things that they do will even scar you and leave you in need of professional help….Just remember this – DON”T GIVE UP! We can overcome our own issues in order to carry out the Great Commission of Christ Jesus – to share His great love with His Creation. Don’t let your scars be a stumbling block on your journey with Christ. Remember to keep focusing and refocusing on Him.
Hugs and kisses my peeps 🙂